


So Close and Yet So Far

by orphan_account



Category: Dexter (TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-30 13:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1019416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dexter finally gives Debra what she wanted, which was to let her in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Close and Yet So Far

(A/N: This is set between the end of Series 1 and the start of Series 2)

I was relaxing on the couch for a few moments before the inevitable whirlwind that was my sister came bursting through the door. It was a perfect night for a hunt, but it was uncertain how long she would be out, so again I would have to put it off. It had been almost a year now since Debra had been living with me since her adventure with the Ice Truck Killer. While my irritation from maintaining my façade was released in the beginning by regular hints to her about places up for rent, we both knew that it wasn’t getting anywhere, so eventually my demeanor became one of constant irritation, having no outlet for expression. She knew I wasn’t happy about her living with me but whatever fear she was feeling inside was obviously strong enough to overcome it. Soon it would be very clear to her that I wasn’t who she thought I was, and with the way I was feeling now, it wouldn’t be so fucking bad. Maybe it would even stop her from feeling scared about the Ice Truck Killer, albeit with the side effect of coming face to face with an even greater monster – me.

Even though we worked in the same department and lived together, we still had separate lives in every sense of the word. We had different working hours, and as cops, we’d have to work overtime as our specialties demanded. We slept in different rooms. We ate at different times. And we were very, very different people. She was carefree, whereas I had to keep people at a safe distance just in case I slipped and they saw the monster lurking in the shadows. It was for their own good, but they didn’t know that. And it was a survival tactic for me. Win-win situation, right?

Not quite. Now every moment of the day was pressure. Outside it was pressure to be normal. Inside, it was pressure to be normal as well as keep the restless monster suppressed until the next victim. And those safe moments were few and far between. I’d even have to manufacture reasons to keep Rita and Debra occupied, and those reasons were becoming more and more fake. I don’t know how much more I can handle. How could she be so stupid? Shouldn’t she just recognise me for what I was and put us both out of our misery? She’s miserable about what she went through because she has no idea what hell really feels like.

I heard the familiar rapid footsteps and then the door burst open.

“Guess what, Dex!” she said excitedly, not caring for a reply before she continued. “They’re saying the case of all those body parts at the bottom of the water has gone on for so long, and it’s so important, that whoever solves the case is almost guaranteed a promotion!” she said as she bounced up and down. “I just know I’ll find the killer. I can feel it.”

Perhaps her senses are sharpening. She can feel that she’s close to the killer – she just doesn’t know she shares the same apartment with the killer.

“That’s great,” I said in my most encouraging voice.

She immediately cocked her head and squinted her eyes. “Yeah, I know you think I’ve got squat, and have shit for brains.” Then she turned into her excited self again and continued “But I just know it. Ohhhhh, it’s going to be so good!”

I continued to stare perplexed at my foster sister. I wasn’t one for lying, but the way she was talking about catching me to my face didn’t boost my confidence in her abilities. Changing the topic slightly, I said “So who’ve you got?”

She gave her fakest smile. “Gee, bro… the way you said that is so encouraging. Don’t forget, if you’re nice to me, I might just cut you in for a slice of the credit.” She winked, and bent forward. “You might think that no one can see you for who you are, but I can read you like a book,” she said emphatically. I think not. My sister – my greatest blessing, and my greatest curse as well.

“Anyway,” she continued, “I’m getting some more leads on the drug lords in the neighboring county. I’m hoping that one of them will be responsible, and then I’m home free, bro!” She waved her arms around. I hope she wasn’t still talking about MY home.

“I’m sure you’ll find the killer,” I said, rubbing my eyes.

She rolled her eyes. “God! You’re so fake – you never let me see the real you!”

“So… you can’t read me like a book, then.”

“Shut the fuck up. I can tell when you’re lying or when you’re hiding, I just can’t tell what you’re thinking,” she said, a bit meekly. She squatted down, looking me in the eye. “So you don’t think any of the new suspects are the killer.”

“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen the evidence,” I replied logically.

She let out a huff of air. Standing up, she said “I need your support, Dex. I just want this to be over. This scumbag killed more people than the Ice Truck Killer and so if I can put this bastard away…” Her eyes teared up. She sniffed, and tried to blink them away. Daddy’s strong little girl. “You don’t know what it’s like. To be so helpless. To have to put on a fake mask all the time. I thought the pain would have gone away by now, but it hasn’t, so I’m trying this as an option. Aren’t you happy that this might help me?”

I gave my most sympathetic look.

She flung a cushion at the wall. “Fucking hell! You really don’t care, do you? Why is it that I have one relative left – you – and I still feel like I’m alone?” She put her hand to her face. “The one thing that means the most to me is for you to let me in. That’s the ONLY thing.” With tears falling down her face, she lowered her hand and looked me in the eye. “That’s all I want.”

I was tired.

Tired of the endless façade, tired of my sister’s illusiory problems, and tired of people not knowing that I was doing them a favour by not revealing myself.

I stood up, and she slowly followed suit. “Enough of this,” I said coldly as I raised my hands to her neck. I spun her around and kept her firmly in a headlock amidst her gasps and struggles until she was unconscious. There was only one thing left to do.

\--

I was patiently waiting on a stool I had set up in the garage where she had previously been captured. Everything was exactly as it was before. I was exhilarated by what I was about to do. Finally she would know. Finally I would know.

She started to stir. I respectfully rose to my feet and approached her. Her eyes locked onto my form, as she tried to get her bearings.

“You can scream as much as you want. There’s no one around to hear it,” I said as I removed the plastic from her mouth.

She gasped for breath, staring at me, searching for an answer. “I get it. You’re recreating what he did to me. You’re trying to get me to face my fears.”

I almost chuckled. “Doing this to recreate it? No, you’ve got it around the wrong way. The Ice Truck Killer recreated what I do.” I watched her calmly while her eyes widened as this information sunk in.

“You mean… you’re… the Bayside Killer?” she gasped.

“Mmm-hmm,” I replied nonchalantly.

She looked around. “All those victims were guilty of crimes…” Looking back at me, she said “Cops get frustrated. It’s not the way to get justice.”

I smirked. “I became a cop because of my urge to kill, not the other way around.” I continued gazing at her passively while she stared back, trying to take this all in.

I came closer. “But what I really want to know is how could you not know that the person you were searching for was right here all along?” I knew this would hurt her, but I wanted her to say everything that I did which she found suspicious. It would be therapeutic for her.

She sniffed and turned away. “That’s what he said,” she choked out.

I let out a puff of air. “My brother said that, huh? I guess killers are alike.”

She stared at me. “Your brother?!”

“Yes. His name was Brian. He was my biological brother. When Harry found us in the storage container with my Mother’s chopped-up corpse, he took me in but left Brian to the system. Brian spent all this time trying to find me again. He was happy that we were the same. He revived my memories of what had happened before. He offered me a life where I could kill anyone, not just bad people, as Harry taught me to do. I could be free of my burden, of my mask. But yet…” I leaned closer “I chose you over him. Quite surprising, huh? And I killed him. It wasn’t suicide.”

Debra was staring at me in shock. I was still gazing passively at her.

“Yes, Harry… he was a good man, but he wasn’t always a good cop. He knew about my homicidal tendencies and the emptiness I felt inside. He helped me keep it under control by going on hunting trips and gutting animals, and later, when the urge became stronger, to only go after bad people. I guess he felt sorry for me, or something. Maybe his last words to us make more sense now… that if I’m slipping, I should turn to you…” I cocked my head.

“What do you… want… from me?” she almost whispered. I smiled. She was terrified, as she should be.

“I want you to know what I really am.” I reached back for the mini circular saw, one of my favourites, and flipped the switch to the on position. I held the wondrous implement close to her jugular. “I can’t say I’m absolutely humane, but I’m close to it. It doesn’t take long for someone to die when I slice their head off with this.” She was almost hyperventilating and crying. Not changing my expression, I flipped the switch off and put it back. Reaching for a small fishing knife, I continued “But if I want to have some more fun, I take my time with this. I start from the major veins in the lower regions and then work my way up.”

She was still crying. She choked out “I still… love you, Dexter.”

I gave a tiny smile. “You have to understand, that means nothing to me. It’s just a myth.” She continued to sniff. I leaned closer and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Goodbye,” I said in my trademark monotone, and with one swift movement, raised the knife above my head and slashed all the plastic. She whimpered as a reflex. I left the knife next to her hand on the table, and walked away, staring at the wall. I could hear the crinkle of the plastic as she sat up, and the metallic rasp as she grasped the knife. I kept looking away - it was always harder to kill someone if they were looking at you in the eye. If you cared, that is.

After about 10 seconds, I became suspicious. Turning my head slightly, I could see she was still sitting on the table, with scraps of plastic covering her. She hadn’t moved. Turning around fully, I could see her frightened, confused yet compassionate look. My eyes narrowed. This was going to be harder than I thought. Obviously giving her the power over her own life had taken away her survival instinct and made her generous towards me. Can’t she see me for what I am and do what she must do – what the right thing would be?

I stared her down. “I’d always wondered what it would be like to fuck you,” I growled, showing some predatory amusement. I dashed towards her, hoping my speed would shock her to her senses. I landed on her, pushing her head back down on the table, but not hard enough for her to lose consciousness and also keeping her arms free so she could use the knife. I forced my tongue into her mouth, thinking that this would be the closest I would be able to come to ever parting her skin with something. I kissed her roughly, gripping her hair, then moved down to her shoulder so she wouldn’t get my blood in her mouth when the inevitable happened. But there was no sharp pain, no feeling of life-blood dripping from my cursed body. I pulled back with a slight frown, looking at her.

“It’s OK…” she struggled to say. “If it makes you happy, it’s OK.”

I was trapped. I mechanically sat up and started to remove my clothing, my frown still there. She was giving me this… to make me happy? I couldn’t believe it – it must be so traumatic for her. Yet on one level she seemed OK. Her gaze was strong, and there was some calmness there. I peeled off the broken plastic revealing her milky-white lithe body. I couldn’t help but notice that she was still gripping the knife.

Bending down, I teased one of her nipples between my teeth. She started to breathe heavily. Kissing my way down her body, I played with her clit with my tongue and then started to suck. Her gasps seemed to calm me. I could start to taste her juices flowing. I slid two fingers inside her and started to play with both my fingers and my tongue. She moaned, moving side to side on the table. I suddenly went upright, kneeling on the table and looking at her to see if she was exaggerating the pleasure. She was looking at me expectantly, and a bead of sweat was starting to form on her forehead. I was excited by the sight, and was drawn to her. I bent forward and cupped one of her breasts with my hands, kissing her passionately. I was already so hard. I wanted to be inside her. Pulling back, I positioned myself, and stared at her face as I thrusted. She contorted in pain but then recovered quickly, looking back at me. We both stared at each other as I fell into a rhythm. Normally this would make me uncomfortable but we both seemed content just looking into each others eyes. Maybe this is what intimacy was. It was interesting to see her involuntary spasms as her pleasure increased. I went faster, and bent down to kiss her. She kissed back. I then gripped her head and upper body as I thrusted deeper, nibbling her neck. She wrapped her legs around me, and her arms around my back as she clung on, exclaiming. I could feel the cold metal on my skin from the flat of the blade in her hand. I pounded into her, irresistibly going even faster. It brought me over the edge; we both shouted as I released and felt her walls clamping around me. I lay on her, panting for breath, and then pulled away.

“We should get some clothes on,” I mumbled. She didn’t respond – she just kept panting and gazing at me.

I sighed. “Are you over the Ice Truck Killer now?”

She raised an eyebrow and nodded. “And I’d been thinking – if he was your brother and was trying to get to you, then I would be the logical choice for a target.”

I nodded in affirmation. “The logical choice,” I said, smiling slightly. She seemed happy. Perhaps she had just needed a change in what she was burdened with.

\-- 

We had started the ride back home in the car in silence. Then again, silence seemed appropriate – all around us was a dark forest with the moon making a silver path. Useless chitchat would spoil the serenity.

“How long have you wanted to have sex with me?” she asked softly, looking me dead in the eye to show she wasn’t afraid.

“Actually… I never really did. I only said that because I thought it would make it easier for you to kill me.”

“What?!” she exclaimed incredulously, putting her palm to her forehead and shaking her head. Looking back at me, she said “You’re fucking full of surprises, you know that?”

“So are you,” I said glancing back at her with a slightly worried expression.

“Ha!” she said, and she cradled her head in her hands. “Oh man…”

“But thank you for being willing to do that for me,” I said back to her encouragingly.

“Aaarrgh!” she cried with a faint smile, mildly hitting her legs. Then she started to shake her head incredulously. “Any time, stud,” she replied, smirking at me. The edges of my mouth curled up, and I looked back at the road, exhausted from… everything. I needed to recover from tonight. She now knew me, and was OK with it. I don’t know whether it was because Harry had the same view, or from her own feelings about me.

“So now you know what I am, and I don’t have to hide it from you.” I saw her nod in acquiescence. “But anytime you want that promotion, it’s OK for you to go ahead and turn me in,” I said with a slightly raised eyebrow, showing my sincerity. Her face fell, disappointed. She rallied herself and with a smile, said “Thank you for letting me in.” I glanced back at her and nodded, smirking. She was a weird one.


End file.
